26 | essex π
brown eyed, thick thighed + retro. wishing it was 1969 πΌ
good start to the new year! 🎉 i’ve been suffering with a sore throat since boxing day and i just kept getting worse. i can’t speak, it hurts so much to swallow, i’m struggling to eat (because i’m struggling to swallow), my whole mouth hurts, my jaw, my ears & i’m achy. i feel like cack 😫 what i suspect is laryngitis is the worst illness i have encountered. i’m not liking waking up at 4:00am every morning in a lot of pain 👎🏻 lemsips have been helping a little though. i booked a doctors appointment but i don’t think i’d of been able to last another 3 days. i reached my breaking point today. i cried and we rang 111 who very quickly got me an emergency outpatients appointment at the hospital for today. i had a half an hour wait but was seen and prescribed within two secs - penicillin + throat spray which isn’t pleasant in the slightest. it smells like a clinic or more so like if you licked a dettol mopped floor 👅 none too pleasant and neither are the penicillin tablets 🤢💊 but i’m grateful as i can now get better 🙏🏻
up at the crack of whatever it is with another lemsip because i can’t get back to sleep. i keep having weird fevered dreams (i usually do when i’m ill) i’ve been trying and trying and i’ve kept turning over and back, over and back because i was stuck in (again) the same half-dream, half-awake state for ages and ages, dreaming of not getting back to sleep and getting huffy over it. i also dreamt/thought i was somewhere else, in a room that doesn’t exist, dreaming of things that don’t exist. i am in so much pain with my throat so badly again and my ears. i’m at the point of needing to cry again but i just can’t. just booked the nearest doctors appointment and i am begging that they give me drugs. i don’t care if i have to use sign language to tell them what’s wrong with me as i can’t speak, just please… please… this tops every illness i’ve ever had. i know it will pass but it’s the worst 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻
i wish i could say otherwise but 2018 has been a difficult year right up until today and the worst part is, it feels like it’s dragged 😐 i think this year has been so bad, my brain has put a lock on what’s happened as it seems such a blur but i am so glad it’s over with now. bye 2018 👋🏻 i keep having flashbacks, even now, months later, to one of the worst parts of the year, there have been many arguments and i endured the worst depression i think i’ve ever been through at the end of this year (sometimes it feels like i’ve been depressed for the whole year but that simply isn’t true) the good thing is, as well as negatives, there are always positives. firstly, i was able to bring myself out of every down moment 👉🏻 another positive is, i have finally beaten my migraines. after quite a few years of going through different medications (prescribed and over the counter) i was prescribed a daily prevention tablet 💊 one dose for 9 months did barely anything but in april of this year, at a medication review, two of my GPs got me off of paracetamol and upped the dosage and low and behold, i’ve gone from daily head pain to having one migraine maybe once a month, if that. i was a chronic migraine sufferer and i never thought i’d see it happen. i would say that i am 98% pain free now 🙌🏻 i’d like to thank my best friend @littlesatnin. thank you for being by my side throughout all the lows. i wouldn’t change us for the world. coincidently, another positive was i was finally able to meet her. we spent a few days with each other (albeit in bad circumstances) but at the end of it, i didn’t want to leave. we both wished i could of stayed longer because we had a great time in each other’s company, enjoying the tv & films we both have in common with each other. i know we’ll do it again and again and make more special memories. i love you 🔒💕 another plus - just recently, in december, i had a really nice catch up with my college friend, bridie. it was so nice to see her as it had been so long! it’s amazing how good friends can boost your mood and i hope we will continue to see more of each other ☕️💞 lastly, i don’t make resolutions so this isn’t one. i have already started to make changes to myself back in december too. i have much more of a positive mindset after my latest bout of depression, even more than my past self and i am transitioning and making some changes to better myself, going into 2019. i want to bid some negative parts of me goodbye 👋🏻 and welcome positive traits 👈🏻